Self Esteem - Turning Weaknesses Into Strengths

The past couple of weeks have looked at developing the positive qualities each of us as women possess as a way of enhancing our self esteem - creativity and compassion (have you signed up for the service auction yet?! There is still time!) and other divine feminine qualities.

This week I thought it might be prudent to look at something that might diminish our self worth if we are not careful: that of comparing ourselves and our own lives with others. It has been said that if we choose to compare ourselves to others we will, more often than not, be comparing our weaknesses with another person's strengths. This is especially damaging because it means we fail to recognise the gifts that are ours along with the blessings that have been bestowed upon us. It also prevents us from enjoying rich friendships with people if we spend our time resenting the talents/things that they have been blessed with, rather than cultivating our own alongside them.

Elder Jeffrey R Holland gave an absolutely outstanding talk on this subject back in April 2002, entitled "The Other Prodigal", which is this week's talk to read. In it, he talks about how we often focus on the Prodigal Son who squandered his inheritance in "riotous living" and then returns home. Elder Holland recounts:

"But being caught up in this younger son’s story, we can miss, if we are not careful, the account of an elder son, for the opening line of the Savior’s account reads, 'A certain man had two sons'—and He might have added, 'both of whom were lost and both of whom needed to come home.'

"The younger son has returned, a robe has been placed on his shoulders and a ring on his finger, when the older son comes on the scene. He has been dutifully, loyally working in the field, and now he is returning. The language of parallel journeys home, though from very different locations, is central to this story.

"As he approaches the house, he hears the sounds of music and laughter.

“And he called one of the servants [note that he has servants], and asked what these things meant.

“And [the servant] said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.

“And [the older brother] was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.”

"You know the conversation they then had. Surely, for this father, the pain over a wayward child who had run from home and wallowed with swine is now compounded with the realization that this older, wiser brother, the younger boy’s childhood hero as older brothers always are, is angry that his brother has come home.

"No, I correct myself. This son is not so much angry that the other has come home as he is angry that his parents are so happy about it. Feeling unappreciated and perhaps more than a little self-pity, this dutiful son—and he is wonderfully dutiful—forgets for a moment that he has never had to know filth or despair, fear or self-loathing. He forgets for a moment that every calf on the ranch is already his and so are all the robes in the closet and every ring in the drawer. He forgets for a moment that his faithfulness has been and always will be rewarded.

"No, he who has virtually everything, and who has in his hardworking, wonderful way earned it, lacks the one thing that might make him the complete man of the Lord he nearly is. He has yet to come to the compassion and mercy, the charitable breadth of vision to see that this is not a rival returning. It is his brother. As his father pled with him to see, it is one who was dead and now is alive. It is one who was lost and now is found.

Certainly this younger brother had been a prisoner—a prisoner of sin, stupidity, and a pigsty. But the older brother lives in some confinement, too. He has, as yet, been unable to break out of the prison of himself. He is haunted by the green-eyed monster of jealousy. He feels taken for granted by his father and disenfranchised by his brother, when neither is the case. He has fallen victim to a fictional affront. As such he is like Tantalus of Greek mythology—he is up to his chin in water, but he remains thirsty nevertheless. One who has heretofore presumably been very happy with his life and content with his good fortune suddenly feels very unhappy simply because another has had some good fortune as well".

Elder Holland than talks about why this is such a problem in our time (we are constantly being told through our surroundings that what we have is not enough) and how we can overcome any tendencies towards this behaviour (start making our way to our Father, just as the Prodigal Son did).

What I appreciate most about this talk, though, is the reminder that Heavenly Father loves each of us for who we are and where we are:

"that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other. I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone" (Elder Holland)

If you read this talk is there anything that stands out to you? Have you any tips or advice to share with how we can practice his advice in our lives? Feel free to leave a comment! This may be something some of us struggle with on a regular basis, or it may be a weakness that comes to us rarely, but I think no matter the frequency of experience, it is good to be watchful so that when it strikes, we can combat it immediately and effectively and turn it into a strength.

I am personally incredibly grateful to know that Heavenly Father loves me for who I am, that I am here for a mission which only I can fill. And it may not be as great or as flashy or perhaps even as far-reaching as some others I can think of.....but it is significant in its own way nonetheless. And that knowledge alone is enough to empower me and increase my sense of self. How about you?

Self Esteem - Another Perspective

I hope everyone enjoyed the talk from last week, and that you have some ideas on how you can incorporate being creative and/or compassionate into your life this month. I had an email from a sister in our ward this week who pointed out the following:

"I followed the link to President Uchtdorf's talk - it's very uplifting, and it occurred to me that the Enrichment we have planned is exactly right for the theme of this talk. As the sisters think about what they can offer, they can't help but be creative. You're thinking about scrapbooks, I'm planning on making cakes, Carolina is going to share her musical talents - and those who are offering more traditional "service" - washing, ironing, shopping etc, will have an opportunity to show compassion as they carry out these tasks lovingly and to the best of their ability. Potentially every sister in the ward will have a chance to feel the satisfaction of being creative and compassionate".

I fully agree with what this sister said and hopefully attending our Enrichment (shameless plug: January 27th, 7.30pm, at the church!) and participating in the Service Auction will enable all of us to fulfil the goal for this month and in turn increase our feelings of self worth.

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For this week's insight on self esteem, I wanted to share another perspective on what we can do to increase it. I was once taught that the most important word in the scriptures is "remember" (did you know the word "remember" is mentioned 136 times in the Book of Mormon alone?!). People were often commanded to remember who they were; we commit to always remembering the Saviour each week when we partake of the Sacrament. There is significance in remembering.

Sheri Dew reminded us of an episode in the movie "The Lion King" in her book, No Doubt ABout It (pg 10) which teaches us (as only Disney can!) about what happens when we do not remember:

"The lion cub Simba forsakes his heritage and turns to riotous living after the death of his father, Mufasa. But when that lifestyle fails to satisfy his inner self, Simba turns to the heavens in a moment of desperation. His father responds by appearing to him, and after listening to Simba's attempts to justfy his rotten behaviour, Mufasa delivers profound parting words: "You have forgotten who you are because you have forgotten me. You have become less than you are".

As we remember that we are daughters of our Heavenly Father, our behaviour and our choices reflect that knowledge. As we remember that He loves us and has a unique plan for us, we are able to feel confident in the direction that we pursue in our lives. As we remember that our worth is great in his sight, we can feel safe and secure. As we remember the sacrifice of His Son for us, we are willing to make smaller sacrifices to live good and righteous lives.

Margaret D Nadauld (former General Young Women President) once shared:

"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. Oh, how we pray that every young woman will grow up to be all the wonderful things she is meant to be".

(link to her full talk is here - it's well worth a read)

May we remember this thought as we go about our tasks this week, and may these truths give us confidence to be the women Heavenly Father knows we are....and the women He knows we can be.

January Theme: Self Esteem

I think that Elder Uchtdorf's talk from last October, entitled Happiness, Your Heritage, is one of my favourites that I have ever heard given to the women of the Church. I loved how he spoke about finding a path to peace, hope and joy through God's happiness. And that creating and being compassionate are two attributes that contribute to God's happiness and therefore to ours.

There was something about the story he told about the differences between his and his wife's cooking that warmed my soul and made me chuckle hard - especially where his wife apologises for the smallest thing (I can so relate to that!). I love that we were counselled as women to create no matter where we are, and that in being creative it does not mean solely in artistic or musical ways - it can be anything that brings into existence something that was not there before eg. a tidy space in your home, a smile, a friendship with another person....

I loved that he recognises that women have within their divine make-up a longing to make things beautiful and that this talk encouarged that. I loved that he spoke of our apologising for ourselves and our efforts so frequently (and unnecessarily) as a sign of our innate desire to please Heavenly Father to the best of our ability. I love that he loves us and believes that we can do anything.

So our goal for you this month:

- read through the talk and pick out things that resonate with you.

- choose something this month that you can do to either be creative in the way he suggests or show compassion. Feel free to list your ideas of what you might do in the comments section or your successes once you've done them. How did this make you feel?

I know that as we do things that are reflective of our Heavenly Father, our sense of worth increases. How can it not, for we are His daughters.

Why Safety in Righteousness?

Welcome to the Aldershot Ward Relief Society Blog!

We are excited to begin this endeavour and enhance the feeling of community and sisterhood that we are already blessed to share in our ward. We want this to be a place where you can come any time, day or night, to gain inspiration, insights and hopefully some answers to life's trials and triumphs. We hope you will comment often on what is being shared, and also that you will feel free to make suggestions as to how we can improve this site to fill your needs. This is a very fluid blog and we will adjust things accordingly as time progresses.

We are mindful that each of you have things going on in your lives - that life is busy and challenging and wonderful and occasionally really hard. We are mindful that each of us needs, as the scriptures teach, a: “defense, and for a refuge from the storm, and from wrath when it shall be poured out without mixture upon the whole earth” (D&C 115:6). In his First Presidency message in October 2008, President Uchtdorf asked "how do we find such a place of safety?" and then answered it with a quote from President Hinckley:

“Our safety lies in the virtue of our lives. Our strength lies in our righteousness.”

Ultimately, we want to use this blog as a tool to forward the goal that we have as a ward Relief Society - that each sister will come to know for herself the very real truth that safety from the storms of our lives lies in our personal righteousness.

Each month we will be discussing a potential storm that each of us faces along with talks from the Ensign to assist us and then offering the opportunity for you to share thoughts and ideas as to how we combat that particular storm in righteous and practical ways. Not only do we want this to be a place of safety for you; we would love the things we share here to help you create places of safety in other environments you are often a part of.

We hope you know how much we love you and pray for you and thank you for everything you do to make our ward a place of safety for others. We hope that we can reach out to you in an uplifting and practical way through the thoughts we post here.

Lots of love

Fiona, Sarah, Louise and Ruth