Self Esteem - Turning Weaknesses Into Strengths

The past couple of weeks have looked at developing the positive qualities each of us as women possess as a way of enhancing our self esteem - creativity and compassion (have you signed up for the service auction yet?! There is still time!) and other divine feminine qualities.

This week I thought it might be prudent to look at something that might diminish our self worth if we are not careful: that of comparing ourselves and our own lives with others. It has been said that if we choose to compare ourselves to others we will, more often than not, be comparing our weaknesses with another person's strengths. This is especially damaging because it means we fail to recognise the gifts that are ours along with the blessings that have been bestowed upon us. It also prevents us from enjoying rich friendships with people if we spend our time resenting the talents/things that they have been blessed with, rather than cultivating our own alongside them.

Elder Jeffrey R Holland gave an absolutely outstanding talk on this subject back in April 2002, entitled "The Other Prodigal", which is this week's talk to read. In it, he talks about how we often focus on the Prodigal Son who squandered his inheritance in "riotous living" and then returns home. Elder Holland recounts:

"But being caught up in this younger son’s story, we can miss, if we are not careful, the account of an elder son, for the opening line of the Savior’s account reads, 'A certain man had two sons'—and He might have added, 'both of whom were lost and both of whom needed to come home.'

"The younger son has returned, a robe has been placed on his shoulders and a ring on his finger, when the older son comes on the scene. He has been dutifully, loyally working in the field, and now he is returning. The language of parallel journeys home, though from very different locations, is central to this story.

"As he approaches the house, he hears the sounds of music and laughter.

“And he called one of the servants [note that he has servants], and asked what these things meant.

“And [the servant] said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.

“And [the older brother] was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.”

"You know the conversation they then had. Surely, for this father, the pain over a wayward child who had run from home and wallowed with swine is now compounded with the realization that this older, wiser brother, the younger boy’s childhood hero as older brothers always are, is angry that his brother has come home.

"No, I correct myself. This son is not so much angry that the other has come home as he is angry that his parents are so happy about it. Feeling unappreciated and perhaps more than a little self-pity, this dutiful son—and he is wonderfully dutiful—forgets for a moment that he has never had to know filth or despair, fear or self-loathing. He forgets for a moment that every calf on the ranch is already his and so are all the robes in the closet and every ring in the drawer. He forgets for a moment that his faithfulness has been and always will be rewarded.

"No, he who has virtually everything, and who has in his hardworking, wonderful way earned it, lacks the one thing that might make him the complete man of the Lord he nearly is. He has yet to come to the compassion and mercy, the charitable breadth of vision to see that this is not a rival returning. It is his brother. As his father pled with him to see, it is one who was dead and now is alive. It is one who was lost and now is found.

Certainly this younger brother had been a prisoner—a prisoner of sin, stupidity, and a pigsty. But the older brother lives in some confinement, too. He has, as yet, been unable to break out of the prison of himself. He is haunted by the green-eyed monster of jealousy. He feels taken for granted by his father and disenfranchised by his brother, when neither is the case. He has fallen victim to a fictional affront. As such he is like Tantalus of Greek mythology—he is up to his chin in water, but he remains thirsty nevertheless. One who has heretofore presumably been very happy with his life and content with his good fortune suddenly feels very unhappy simply because another has had some good fortune as well".

Elder Holland than talks about why this is such a problem in our time (we are constantly being told through our surroundings that what we have is not enough) and how we can overcome any tendencies towards this behaviour (start making our way to our Father, just as the Prodigal Son did).

What I appreciate most about this talk, though, is the reminder that Heavenly Father loves each of us for who we are and where we are:

"that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other. I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone" (Elder Holland)

If you read this talk is there anything that stands out to you? Have you any tips or advice to share with how we can practice his advice in our lives? Feel free to leave a comment! This may be something some of us struggle with on a regular basis, or it may be a weakness that comes to us rarely, but I think no matter the frequency of experience, it is good to be watchful so that when it strikes, we can combat it immediately and effectively and turn it into a strength.

I am personally incredibly grateful to know that Heavenly Father loves me for who I am, that I am here for a mission which only I can fill. And it may not be as great or as flashy or perhaps even as far-reaching as some others I can think of.....but it is significant in its own way nonetheless. And that knowledge alone is enough to empower me and increase my sense of self. How about you?